《Friends》剧本（第一季）101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilot-TheUncutVersion)[Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethere.]Monica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!Joey:C'mon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice.Sodoeshehaveahump?Ahumpandahairpiece?Phoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk?(Theyallstare,bemused.)Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarl-oh!Monica:Okay,everybodyrelax.Thisisnotevenadate.It'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerand-nothavingsex.Chandler:Soundslikeadatetome.[TimeLapse]Chandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynaked.All:Oh,yeah.Hadthatdream.Chandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphone...there.Joey:Insteadof...?Chandler:That'sright.Joey:Neverhadthatdream.Phoebe:No.Chandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoring.NowIdon'tknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatme.Monica:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore?!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisvery-veryweird,because-shenevercallsme![TimeLapse,Rosshasentered.]Ross:(mortified)Hi.Joey:Thisguysayshello,Iwannakillmyself.Monica:Areyouokay,sweetie?Ross:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneck...Chandler:Cookie?Monica:(explainingtotheothers)Carolmovedherstuffouttoday.Joey:Ohh.1Monica:(toRoss)Letmegetyousomecoffee.Ross:Thanks.Phoebe:Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss.)Ross:No,nodon't!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okay?Phoebe:Fine!Bemurky!Ross:I'llbefine,alright?Really,everyone.Ihopeshe'llbeveryhappy.Monica:Noyoudon't.Ross:NoIdon't,tohellwithher,sheleftme!Joey:Andyouneverknewshewasalesbian...Ross:No!!Okay?!Whydoeseveryonekeepfixatingonthat?Shedidn'tknow,howshouldIknow?Chandler:SometimesIwishIwasalesbian...(Theyallstareathim.)DidIsaythatoutloud?Ross:Itoldmomanddadlastnight,theyseemedtotakeitprettywell.Monica:Ohreally,sothathysterical...
